Okay I remembered what I wanted to say!!
Whenever I'm behind the counter, a typical conversation goes like this:
Customer: You still schooling?
Me: Ya..
Customer: Oh, secondary school?
Me: No..
Customer: Poly?
Me: No.. Uni..
Customer: OH! Which one? NUS or NTU?
Me: Errr, overseas..
Ya, I get a lot of people telling me I look like I'm in secondary school.. Oh yes, I do wish I could go back to those carefree after-school days when we can hang around and do nothing or stay back in school for endless remedial sessions.. I always feel strange when I see students these days finishing school at about 3pm or whatever, and I think back about what I did when I was in their shoes.. I remember staying back at school to eat lunch, slack, finish up all my homework so I will have lots of time do play at home...
And one thing I totally don't get is why hasn't anyone asked me if I'm in JC? Hello, do I have the words on my forehead that read "I AM IN POLY"?? I'm not against going to poly, but if that's what people think, apparently I don't look smart enough to be a JC student?! Maybe I need to start borrowing uniforms to make me look like I am in JC or something LOL..
Like, do people generally look down on you first, assuming that you are in poly without considering the fact that you MIGHT be in JC? I just ponder over that.. And I do wish I had been here to experience the JC life.. I always feel that JC life is so fun minus the mugging involved.. *And all the people reading this blog who were in JC will start pelting tomatoes at me..*
I feel that I have missed out on a lot in the Singapore education system, but at the same time I have gained a lot of other experience overseas.. And yet as a conformist I feel left out when I'm taking the road less travelled to a university degree.. In the bottom corner of my heart I feel that I want to be ONE OF THEM.. I want to be a "real Singaporean", going through all the competition to vie for a spot in JC and then later on a local university.. Like how they say the grass is always greener on the other side..
Of course, I feel blessed to have the life I have now.. I am not saying I am not grateful to my parents for paying attention to my future by doing all this for me.. I learn a lot of things that many other people might not necessarily have the opportunity to do so.. I discover that the world is not such a small place after all..
It had been these few years of my last teenage years that I have discovered life.. Not the meaning of life, but rather the complexity and what it comprises of. I know I cannot do anything to turn back the time, nor change the way my life is right now. Maybe I can, but still I cannot change the past, as much as I would want to.
As I try to plan my next step in life, there are of course many things I want to do but yet am unable to. I am not going to list them out, and many of my innermost passions will remain deep within me until one day when I have no responsibilities to fulfill, no obstacles obstructing me, no financial burdens to weigh me down, and basically when my world consists of nothing else but me. Yet when the world only revolves around me and nothing else, nothing can be done.
I don't love life, I don't hate it either. I embrace whatever comes my way and try to deal with it my way. It is such an adventurous journey with so many bumps and hidden agenda for you to find out, for you to decide where to put your foot next, a step that will take you to yet another wonderland.. There are no deadends in life, only ever-winding roads to be travelled...
Labels: deep thoughts
